Dad's Dementia Decline

Blog not closed yet...

2011-11-29T18:58:00.000-05:00

I have one semester left before I graduate with my MSW. It has been quite the journey and one that I will not forget. I almost didn't start, I remember feeling so scared and worried about my parents, especially my Dad who was in the hospital at the time and who had recently been diagnosed with the dementia. It is so hard to believe that almost 29 months ago, I thought I would lose my Dad to

Thank you

2011-11-16T08:40:00.002-05:00

Closing up soon and a HUGE THANKS!

2011-11-06T17:27:00.000-05:00

I can't say enough 'thank you's' to everyone who has supported me throughout the life of this blog. I have made some wonderful friends and I hope that the end of my blog does not mean the end of our friendships. Please leave your email if you still want to hear from me and so that I can let you know when I start my new blog - probably one on art therapy and healing sometime in the next year! So

I need courage

2011-11-03T07:52:00.000-04:00

I still can't bring myself to viewing the container that holds Dad's ashes. I know I have to do it at some point but it seems so overwhelming. The box we chose for Dad is made of mahogany wood and has the Royal Canadian Air Force emblem on the front. I am told that it is very beautiful. I know Dad would have loved it and I am sure that wherever he is right now, he is proud that we chose this

Grief is grief is grief...

2011-10-31T21:43:00.000-04:00

Its been three weeks since he died - I am slowly moving out of numbness. This Friday we meet with the funeral home for our wrap up meeting and then in the spring we are having Dad's ashes interned at the mausoleum. I am still trying to wrap my head around all of it but it is getting better and I don't think of it as much as I had been. The more time from it, the more reality sinks in. However,

Denial - I am planted firmly here...

2011-10-28T11:52:00.001-04:00

I still can't believe he is gone. I have had many people in my life pass on - friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins but I have never had the experience where I didn't believe the person had passed away. While I feel overwhelmingly sad on some days, there is still a big part of me that doesn't believe Dad has passed on in his journey. It's not like there is a place that I can go and see

Home

2011-10-27T06:37:00.003-04:00

One of the issues we really struggled with was where Dad should go after the diagnosis of terminal cancer. While at times he would vocalize that he would want to get out of the nursing home, he in fact was happiest there. He loved the staff there and they in turn loved him back. Many of the staff called him "Donnie" which was a childhood name that he abhorred but he didn't mind it all in the home

One Day at a time...

2011-10-25T08:01:00.000-04:00

The feelings are all over the place and I don't feel very grounded. I went back to work yesterday but it was tough to get into my work and get things done. I have a huge report to do and it is difficult to even get started. My memory is gone, well it seems like it anyway. I feel like there is a line drawn in my life - a time when the trauma started with Dad's terminal diagnosis and death and a

Yesterday...

2011-10-19T08:10:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had my first day which had some sense of normality to it. I am not yet back at work and I have been off work for almost two weeks. I still have the rest of this week off to try and get myself grounded and focused. However, I am so far behind in my Statistics class for my graduate degree that I had to spend most of yesterday working on it. It is horrendously dull and logical and it is

Leaving this world...

2011-10-19T07:59:00.000-04:00

This is how I imagine my Daddy left this world and moved on in his journey - how beautiful is that? He is now free...

2011-10-18T07:24:00.001-04:00

I feel like I have been through a really bad dream and I only remember parts of it. I have fragmented memories of the past few weeks and very little understanding of time - it is all blurred together. I have a hard time remembering without really grounding myself and trying to focus - yes, my Dad died but that can't be possible - "Dads don't die, do they? Dads are invincible, strong and can beat

The Final Goodbye

2011-10-15T07:22:00.000-04:00

It was so hard. It was so surreal. I think I left my body to get through yesterday. He is gone. My brother and sister who live thousands of miles away and had come to visit Dad less then a month ago were not able to make it - I missed them immensely. Their hearts were broken at not being at the funeral. They were there in spirit though. The tributes and condolences were comforting. It was

Obituary

2011-10-12T08:01:00.000-04:00

Seeing Dad's obituary in the paper makes it so much more real. I have woken up each morning with a puddle of tears in my eyes. I must be crying in my sleep! Please feel free to comment in the guest book on the funeral homes webpage with Dad's obituary. You all have been part of Dad's journey and you have kept me sane during these past few years. My life is so changed from this journey with Dad

The Cap

2011-10-11T06:43:00.001-04:00

My Dad loved baseball caps with military insignia on them. My sister had brought him one when she came to visit in early September. The hat had the emblem of the last military base Dad had been posted at and he was very excited and desperately wanted to wear that cap. One day, he asked me to get his cap and he tried to put it on but it kept falling off as he lay in his bed. I told him that he

Rest In Peace Daddy

2011-10-10T18:08:00.000-04:00

Quietly, in the dark of the night, my Dad slipped away and left his body. He left us peacefully at 1:15 AM on October 10, 2011. I will miss him immensely. I still can't believe he is gone...

Almost there...

2011-10-07T06:42:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe but Dad is still hanging on. However, I am sure he will slip quietly into the great abyss very soon. This week seems like it has lasted a month and we are all very tired. We got called to the nursing home on Tuesday morning because Dad's breathing was irregular and he had mottling along with cold extremities and they thought Dad might be leaving us. However, his strength and

True Love

2011-10-04T06:26:00.000-04:00

No 'f' bombs'. No questions about why people are coming in to see him. Just pain - lots of it and excruciating for him. Heartbreaking for us. All we can do is ask for more pain killers for him and they give him more. At one point, Dad asked me if I was smoking. He is so deeply against smoking because of his tongue cancer - he knows that smoking is the number one reason why people his age get

2011-10-02T21:07:00.001-04:00

I have to laugh - really laugh because Dad is utterly hilarious! Mom and I went in to see Dad this morning and we were pretty worried about what we might see after yesterday. However, Dad was sitting up in his bed and was totally conscious. He tells me that one of his Uncle's came to visit him yesterday (He does have one Uncle who does come to see him) and then Dad says, "I have all these people

So Sad he will soon be leaving us...

2011-10-01T20:15:00.000-04:00

Dad's pain is well managed and he is slowly slipping away. His anger is abated although he still peppers the room with an odd 'f bomb' but not with the anger and veracity that he had earlier this week. He is very quiet and is slipping in and out of consciousness. Part of me wishes he would yell and scream again - crazy as that might seem - at least I knew he had some fire left in him. I think our

2011-09-30T09:24:00.000-04:00

The past two days Dad has been angry - very angry and he can't seem to find that peace and acceptance that many people find at the end of their lives. He continues to fight death as though he could win that battle too. He lived his life with total control over everything and I believe he is angry because death is something he can't win over. Whenever my Dad was angry, he used his family as ways

2011-09-29T06:46:00.000-04:00

The strangest thing happened a few days ago. After three days of Dad laying in his bed with little conversation and a lot of sleeping and pain, I came into the room to see him sitting up and watching the news. He looked fine and he had actually eaten some of the mashed potatoes and some dessert (the staff brings him food just in case). Honestly, I almost had a heart attack because I was so

So hard...

2011-09-28T06:41:00.000-04:00

Dad is in a lot of pain now and we are having difficulty managing it. The tumour in his tongue is burning and growing and it is really heartbreaking to see his decline into death because of his pain. We are praying for it to end soon - it is so painful for him despite a pain patch and injections for pain. This dying of mouth cancer is most difficult. It has been one week without hydration and we

Angels here on earth...

2011-09-25T10:11:00.000-04:00

About four months ago, even before Dad was diagnosed with cancer, I had seen a news feature that had professional musicians and orchestras playing in nursing homes. It gave me the idea to try and set up a program like that in Dad's home and I had decided that when I was done my MSW, that would be my new volunteer venture. One morning I saw an advertisement for John McDermott, a Scottish born

These times are hard...

2011-09-22T22:55:00.000-04:00

My dear sweet Dad's days are very numbered and it is hard to believe that we are losing him. He has not had any artificial hydration for about twenty-four hours and his body is shutting down. He no longer asks about his grandchildren and he is very quiet for the most part. The tumour on his tongue is large and makes it difficult to speak and if I am in the room with him, I often have to translate

Memantine - Amazing drug

2011-09-18T20:26:00.001-04:00

Dad continues to be present for all of us when we visit. The stream of visitors is steady and he tires easily. He is on IV at 50% which gives him half of the hydration he needs. He can't eat very well but he tries so hard to get food down. His intake of fluids and food is minimal. He is a man of great strength - where many would have given up long ago he continues on. He is very aware and while

Great sadness...

2011-09-17T09:14:00.002-04:00

Dad continues to have spurts of energy and then to be completely exhausted yet still feeling the comfort and love of the presence of his family and friends. It has been really difficult for all of us. My sweet girl E is here to visit and when she saw her Grandpa, his eyes did not light up like they have in the past and we were all pretty heartbroken. It was comforting to see that as he lay there,

Moving through grief...

2011-09-13T21:18:00.000-04:00

Dad continues to fight the battle and has a steady stream of visitors to keep him company. He told me tonight that he is so happy that all of his children are with him (my brother and sister have flown in from out of town). He seemed really tired tonight and couldn't keep his eyes open so I tucked his warm quilt around him and left him with a kiss on his cheek. As I was leaving, I peaked into

Palliative Care

2011-09-10T07:07:00.000-04:00

Dad's cancer is inoperable and he is resting in palliative care. I am overwhelmed with sadness and grief. He is not as grumpy and seems a little more calm and he knows his tongue cancer is terminal. He has asked for a new body - he isn't ready to go. I haven't stopped crying for three days. I am about to lose my Dad and my heart breaks. Words cannot describe how I feel...

Risky times...

2011-09-05T09:18:00.000-04:00

Last week was a difficult week and at one point I wasn't sure that Dad was going to make it. There is a cough/cold virus going around the nursing home and with Dad's immune system being so suppressed, he ended up sick. This culminated in him being so discouraged that he refused to eat and drink and hadn't voided in almost twenty-four hours. A't one point the staff talked to us about having to

one week from today

2011-08-31T06:42:00.000-04:00

Dad is sick with a cough that is going around the nursing home. Since Mom and I don't want to get sick, there are no visits. I think Mom is secretly relieved to have a week off visiting Dad - he has been so mean and nasty and it gives her a break from it all. Honestly, I don't know how she does it - married 54 years and he is still 'harping' at her. She told me it was too late to change him - you

Message to Myself

2011-08-27T07:55:00.000-04:00

Mr. Cranky Pants is back in full bloom!

2011-08-25T12:36:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it is hard to grit your teeth and just smile. Sometimes it is hard to be nice or to want to do nice things for someone who appears not to enjoy it at all. Yesterday I arranged it so that Dad could view my Smilebox Creation on a nursing home staff member's computer so he could see all the great pictures of my holiday because my laptop no longer works. Dad was so miserable and

An Engagement

2011-08-24T07:27:00.000-04:00

While this summer has been very difficult on many fronts, the most exciting event happened on our family holiday. My oldest daughter and her partner are engaged! This is a first time event for my family and we are overjoyed! My daughter is marrying a kind, gentle man from a Greek community so the wedding is going to be filled with lots of new traditions! I plan on watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Krikes!

2011-08-24T07:12:00.000-04:00

I can't believe this but they have changed Dad's surgery date to September 7th. WHile I love the fact that we live in a country with accessible health care to all, I am upset that due to shortage of hospital beds and doctors, that my Dad has had a cancer diagnosis for two months and still has the damn tumour in his mouth. While it is slow growing, it is the mental anguish that he is going through

Damn cancer and Damn Dementia!

2011-08-21T12:45:00.000-04:00

I haven't written in a while because I have been very sad and my heart is heavy. While I had a lovely time with my family on a week's vacation, my Dad has not been doing well. He has been fainting and the staff at the nursing home now have to use the lift with him for bathroom use. I know his heart is very heavy and that he is worn out fighting cancer for a fourth time. He is also losing weight

Broken...

2011-08-05T09:25:00.000-04:00

My heart breaks for Dad and I had to work hard at composing myself when we all went to visit him for my sweet girl's 29th birthday. Dad loves company and loves his granddaughters, but he does not love living in a nursing home. Who would? So when six of us went last night armed with birthday cake, cameras and a desire to be inclusive of our family patriarch, he was sullen, sad and raw. It was

Beautiful dreams

2011-08-01T08:16:00.000-04:00

I don't often dream of Dad and the struggle with dementia, but last night he and Mom joined me in my dreams. Now, to understand my dream you would have to know Dad before dementia. He loved to drive and he loved to shop. Crazy I know, but in his retirement years, he would enjoy time with Mom in grocery stores and Walmart. He and Mom also did a lot of traveling all over Canada and the United

Life is good...

2011-07-29T08:34:00.000-04:00

Still no word on the surgery - I am getting very nervous that the call will come next week which will be the worst case scenario. They usually give you a week's notice so a call next week means Dad would have surgery the week of my long awaited vacation with my sweet girls, their partners and my sweet man. Another scenario is getting back from vacation and then having to take another week off

2011-07-20T07:29:00.000-04:00

There are gifts in life that come as absolute surprises while in the midst of pain and crisis. I know I have spouted off in this blog about Dad's behaviour and abuse and I have shared about the pain of childhood. I have often wondered at times why I even spend time with Dad because of the pain inflicted on me when I was growing up. However, the rewards and gifts I have received in facing the pain

Things are a little better...

2011-07-16T06:41:00.000-04:00

The results of the CAT scan are excellent! The cancer has not spread and there is not one spot of cancer anywhere - even within the oral cavity. This means the tongue cancer is so small that the CAT scan can't even pick it up. Honestly, at this point, our biggest concern is the anesthetic. Mom can be brilliant at times. I know that she drives me crazy at times, seriously though, whose Mother

The Red Purse

2011-07-15T06:50:00.000-04:00

You have to wonder sometimes about resiliency and how people get through traumatic times in their lives. My Mom is one of those women who has amazing strength even though she doesn't recognize it. I have great respect for her and how she is getting through these days of dementia and cancer. She has had to deal with many tragedies in her life - her parents were killed in an automobile accident

KRIKES - Surgery in two weeks!

2011-07-13T08:14:00.000-04:00

So we got a call from the surgeon and Dad is going in for surgery in a week or two. I am just waiting for that call. In the meanwhile, we also have to make a three hour drive to meet with the anesthesiologist. Since Dad had such a cognitive decline after his last surgery, along with delusions, the anesthesiologist wants to meet with Dad so we can try and prevent any further decline. Anesthetics

Its going quickly now...

2011-07-09T08:45:00.000-04:00

Tongue biopsy done two days ago and CAT scan scheduled for Monday (two days from now). They are really hurrying this along. We were told that if the cancer has spread, that it will change the course of treatment. In other words, if it has spread, the kindest treatment would be no surgery and palliative treatment. The doctor told us that Dad's malignant tumour is T2 - T3 which is about 2 -4 cm.

Its worse then we thought...

2011-07-07T08:08:00.000-04:00

I have avoided writing lately. It has been a difficult journey with cancer joining our lives again. Cancer and dementia - not a good combination. I will try and catch up with this blog over the next while and fill you in on what is going on. It has been a difficult six weeks - not only with the class I took which was overwhelming, but mostly with the cancer. Sometimes I wonder why I am doing this

It's Cancer

2011-06-30T06:07:00.000-04:00

I have been too tired. Really tired. At this point, all I can say is that it is cancer but in the early stages. Dad needs surgery. Hasn't he been through enough already? I'm tired of it all...

Oh My!

2011-06-10T13:20:00.000-04:00

I have been so busy with school these days and I can't believe it has been a while since I have blogged. I am also juggling a crisis with Dad these days and I am not sure where this situation is heading. I had mentioned a few months back that Dad had something on his tongue, an indicator of possible tumour back on his tongue as he had oral cancer over a decade ago. His first case of oral

One Year from now...

2011-05-19T08:13:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that one year from now I will have my graduate degree! It has been a long and interesting two years thus far and the bonus has been that I have done so many projects and essays on dementia and Alzheimer's from a variety of perspectives - policies, impact on women and caregiving and even Aboriginal perspectives. It brought me to a knowledge base I wouldn't have had without this

Death and Dementia

2011-05-15T08:47:00.000-04:00

I spent a lovely afternoon with 'nice Dad' the other day. We sat in the dining room and had coffee and cookies and just talked. He certainly is in the decline - that insidious slow eating away of his memory and functioning is very difficult to watch. It sneaks up on you despite its insidiousness and even Mom is commenting on the decline. The other thing that we notice is that while Dad is

What am I going to do?

2011-05-09T09:04:00.000-04:00

Mom is still away at her sisters' and it doesn't look good. She is arriving home late tonight but she says she may be back in a few weeks as her sister is very ill due to the cancer. Poor Mom! Since I have been back from my holidays for a week, I have been visiting Dad quite a bit and he has been extremely cantankerous Yesterday's visit topped them all! Yesterday, I found Dad sitting alone

Screw Dementia

2011-04-22T05:30:00.001-04:00

Suitcases packed, goodies ready for sweet girl "E" who is meeting us for the day in Toronto. Our flight leaves early tomorrow morning for Cuba which is cooking - the temperature is supposed to be in the 40's some of the days we are there. It sure beats the +4 we have had includes snow still on the ground despite the fact it is spring! I can't wait! Okay, so yes, I did go and see Dad

I hate Dementia!

2011-04-21T06:24:00.000-04:00

Sweet Man and I are off to Cuba for a week of lying on the beach, sipping mojitas, and swimming in the ocean. My sweet man and I always have such a lovely time together so it is exciting to know we are spending a whole week together without work, school or dementia. Mom left this morning to go spend a few weeks with her sisters, one of whom is dying. I hate to say it but the situation is very

Family Secrets no longer hidden

2011-04-20T05:05:00.000-04:00

I told Mom that I had let the family secret out to her friend, Dee. She asked me what Dee said and then she told me she didn't care. She then shared she thought Dee's hubby might be a little on the cranky side too. I am so proud of my Mom! After years of not being able to talk or feel or even share with anyone about Dad's abuse towards her, she is calling a spade for what it is. It has taken

Around and around we go again...

2011-04-19T06:45:00.000-04:00

Telephone conversation yesterday: Mom - "your Dad was really mean to me again" Lisa - 'what did he say" Mom - "He said that since she (mom) hadn't been around to visit much (because of influenza outbreak) that they might as well get divorced" Lisa - "Damn dementia talking again Mom - his ability to reason and understand and his emotions are damaged by the dementia". Mom "Yah, if he only knew -

The Long Hard Goodbye

2011-04-17T09:02:00.000-04:00

One of the most difficult parts of dementia/Alzheimer's disease is the long goodbye. This disease is so insidious and slow that it chips away at your heart strings on a daily basis. Dad has slowly ebbed away and the challenge is to accept these changes. He tends to forget where he was posted in the military - he will get the right province but the wrong military base. He uses my brother and

Family Secrets Blown Wide Open

2011-04-15T05:40:00.000-04:00

The other day I ran into one of my parent's friends, "Dee" and we spent quite a bit of time talking about dementia, my Dad and her brother-in-law. Dee and her husband have been really supportive to my parents and her hubby goes to see Dad once a week. Dee tries to have lunch with Mom every couple of months and has invited Mom over for the 'couple dinners' that both my parents used to go to

Nursing Home Closed ... again

2011-04-13T06:47:00.001-04:00

Krikes! Dad's home, Tendercare Extendicare, has been closed again due to the influenza bug hitting residents pretty hard. Dad apparently got very sick on the weekend and he was really ill for a few days. This is the second time this year the nursing home has been closed due to the flu and it is really frustrating! The frustrating part is that it is totally my fault I can't get in because

Climb Every Mountain, Follow Every Dream!

2011-04-09T06:23:00.000-04:00

“Climb every mountain,Search high and low,Follow every byway,Every path you know.Climb every mountain,Ford every stream,Follow every rainbow,‘Till you find your dream.A dream that will needAll the love you can give,Every day of your lifeFor as long as you live....The Sound of Music - I am almost at the finish line of year two of this MSW program! It is so exciting to know that I have five months

Whomp - in the gut

2011-04-06T06:27:00.000-04:00

My Dad has a younger brother, Uncle "A" who dropped by for a visit yesterday. So not knowing he was coming, I opened the door and got the 'whomp - in the gut' feeling that took a little while to recover from. Uncle is about ten years younger then Dad and looks a lot like him. So when I opened the door, for a split second I thought it was Dad, who also used to randomly drop by. They look very

Working nine to five - I hope!

2011-03-31T17:30:00.000-04:00

My sweet girl "E" is my baby and I just love her to bits. She graduated last year with a 4 year Communications Degree and took a post grad in Public Relations this year and graduates next month at the young age of 22. She is worried beyond belief about finding a job, but I have complete faith that the right job will find her. "E" has worked for four summers at my

Connecting through old movies...

2011-03-29T06:53:00.001-04:00

The strangest thing about Alzheimer/Dementia is how it slowly eradicates the brain cells. I have noticed lately that Dad has lost his concept of time. For people who have loved ones with dementia/alzheimers, I suppose you get used to it, but then again, maybe not. Dad recently asked me about his "Tech" school as if it was still standing there as it was sixty years ago. He was trying to

SPEAK OUT - VERY LOUDLY and you will be heard!

2011-03-26T12:25:00.000-04:00

Quick post as I am almost at the end of my term. Just two papers left and I am done for five months. Anyway, this week there was an article in the paper about my Dad's situation and lack of home care available in our community. The response from my community is amazing. I will write more when I am done school. However, here is the excellent story that Frank wrote in the Sault Star. It

Roll Up the Rim to Win

2011-02-28T07:05:00.000-05:00

If you are Canadian, you know that as a country we go crazy for Tim Horton's coffee and that once a year things go wild when "Roll up the Rim To Win" comes around. I'm not kidding you, people line up for city blocks to get their coffee and hope for that winning cup where you can win a car, a bike, television or gift card or a free coffee or donut. Like many Canadians, Dad has been a big fan of

I hate worrying...

2011-02-17T10:31:00.002-05:00

Sweet man and I are on a snowmachine vacation for five days. We have a great system for organizing our holidays - I scout out a place to go ensuring lots of great trails and a place to stay that meets our needs. We were excited for this trip - we headed out to Munising, Michigan which has beautiful trails. However, I was not my usual organized self - partly because of school. I had everything

Flowers for my Daddy

2011-02-12T08:51:00.001-05:00

The nursing home is finally open again and I got to spend a lovely "valentine's afternoon" with Dad. I brought in cupcakes for staff, little valentine goodie bags for residents, and some lovely fresh flowers for Dad. He was not in a good space - the flowers and treats did cheer him up though. You could tell he was sad - he even mentioned his own future death to me. Four residents died in the

Six Reasons why I am feeling overwhelmed and none of it has to do with dementia!

2011-02-04T08:20:00.001-05:00

Oh my oh my, this 'overwhelmed' feeling has gone on long enough. Life has been difficult but thankfully Dad's dementia is just plugging along slowly and he is actually doing fine in the home. It's the 'other things' that are overwhelming me right now. So the six reasons I am feeling 'crazy' are: 1. Doing two university classes is outlandishly insane! I literally have enough reading that

The dark nights...

2011-01-05T07:21:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the day that I start my fourth semester in my MSW program at Dalhousie University. I am taking two classes, a first for me, so I will be super busy juggling them along with the rest of my crazy life. I keep looking to the goal - one year from now, if things go the way I am working toward, I will be starting my last semester. So I am keeping my eye on the goal. I am still trying to

Tired, hopeless and sad - not a way to feel going into 2011

2011-01-02T09:09:00.000-05:00

It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.K.T. Jong I wrote this blog as a place to be honest about my life with a dementia Dad. It has been a year and a half of blogging and it has felt good to write about this life, but also to have met new

A grey Tsunami is on its way!

2010-12-30T09:56:00.002-05:00

While doing my Master of Social Work has proven to be a challenge while juggling work and parents, I have found that it has given me opportunities to explore policies and issues around dementia and Alzheimer's. I just finished a project for my last class in which I critiqued Canada's action plan on dementia entitled Rising Tide: The Impact of Dementia in Canada. For this assignment, I not only

New Drug Memantine

2010-12-29T08:29:00.000-05:00

Mr. Cranky Pants has remained true to his name over the holidays. Yesterday, I simply felt that I could NOT visit him so I sent my sweet daughter, "J" and my sweet man. Can you believe that my "J" did not want to go? She is used to seeing a Grampy who is sweet and kind to her and she only saw glimpses of his abusive personality. My Dad made a special effort to have good relationships with his

Love Life - Be Brave

2010-12-27T10:19:00.000-05:00

I gave Mom this beautiful sterling silver ring for Christmas inside a pair of warm fuzzy socks that I knit for her. I also gave her another ring to match the jewellery that Dad (me) picked out for her. I gave her this sterling silver ring because Mom is having a dificult time lately and for good reason. Mom's sister has stage 4 lung cancer and is not expected to live very long. This is a

A sad, mean old man with Dementia

2010-12-26T06:34:00.006-05:00

I wish I was writing how wonderful our Christmas lunch was with my Dad. I wish I could say how much he loved the personalized calendar and boxed plant that we gave him. I wish I could say that he loved January's photo of me sitting on my snowmachine and that he hadn't said, "Why the hell would I want a picture of you on a g.d. snowmachine on my wall?" However, he was in the nastiest of moods

Merry Christmas Dementia!

2010-12-25T06:59:00.008-05:00

It is quiet right now as it is early in the morning. My heart is much lighter today. I had the most beautiful Christmas Evening with my sweet man and my girl, "J". It is all so new, this taking back of a holiday that used to hold other traditions and meanings. The rawness of the past week was lightened and we had a beautiful evening together. I just know that putting that intention out there

The Annual Christmas Eve Party

2010-12-24T06:28:00.005-05:00

I had this thought the other day and I can't erase it from my mind. It is a beautiful image and story in my head. It came out of the story that is often told about Christmas Eve when all the animals were able to talk at midnight, just for a short time, as a way of celebrating the Christ child's birth.So my story is different. I imagined that at midnight tonight, everyone in the world who had

Report Card Check-In

2010-12-23T18:16:00.008-05:00

Well I have to say that the day did not turn out that well and left me with a little sadness in my heart. I arrived at the nursing home with Mom for our yearly meeting and found Dad in his room, where he was grumpy and stubborn. As we were late, I wheeled Dad down to the meeting room and he was cursing and muttering in an angry tone the whole way down the two different hallways. The meeting was

Parent/Teacher Conference

2010-12-23T06:26:00.005-05:00

Today we meet with Dad's caregivers to find out how the last year has been. A report card of sorts. He is supposed to have been given the Mini Mental and I would imagine that his scores have declined. He is definitely moving backwards as this nasty disease takes more and more memory from his brain. His spatial concepts are totally gone as is his short term memory. However, I think he has

Christmas Cards and guilt

2010-12-22T06:39:00.009-05:00

Dad and I made Christmas Cards for the staff. I bought a ton of those Christmas scrapbooking stickers, a stamp and ink pad, and we got to work. Dad wanted me to write in the card "Thanks for all the great caregiving" which I thought was nice. So we got to work and Dad seemed to enjoy it. He said he had never done anything like this before, which certainly was true. He suddenly stopped as we

Mean Dad is back!

2010-12-18T06:38:00.006-05:00

I simply don't know what to do other than breath. Deep breaths. Long, full deep breaths as he yells and screams at me. Self-talk too. "Its just the dementia. You can do this. Build a powerful coat of armour so the words bounce off. You can do it!"But if hurts. No matter what I do or say or build to protect myself, having 'mean dad' back is so hard! What if 'nice Dad' never comes back?

Dear Gawd but he knows!!

2010-12-17T06:34:00.006-05:00

One of the things we always struggled with as a family was what to say to Dad about having Alzheimer/Dementia Disease. His doctor told him he had 'memory problems' but wouldn't come out and say what it was. I remember that I felt we needed to tell him the truth because of my professional ethics as a social worker, which are to be honest to the people you work with - in a kind and courteous

Taking Back Christmas

2010-12-16T07:05:00.005-05:00

Like most people, Christmas is about traditions and family. My parents always tried to make Christmas meaningful and Dad threw aside his grumpiness and put on a red sweater and Santa cap and always enjoyed the holiday season. I moved back home 18 years ago and each and everyone of those years we celebrated the season together. Even last year, we ate dinner at the nursing home with Dad and tried

Thump in the Gut

2010-12-15T20:51:00.004-05:00

I had the oddest thing happen today. I thought I saw my Dad driving his car. It was one of those split second moments when your brain hasn't time to recall that your Dad is actually sitting in a wheelchair in a nursing home and it remembers the old times. Then it hits you like a thump in the gut and you realize that your Dad can't drive anymore because he doesn't know how. Then you feel

Gratitude Abounds and Overflows

2010-12-10T07:32:00.008-05:00

Sometimes the obvious is not so obvious - especially when you are in the middle of a horrible situation! My recent experiences with Dad this week are definitely part of his paranoia, as my online buddy Saraphina commented on after my post. This makes perfect sense! Saraphina - your wisdom abounds! This nasty disease can leave you so vulnerable with so many feelings coming at once that you

Happy 76th Birthday Mr. Crankypants

2010-12-09T06:24:00.005-05:00

It has been an eventful two months and I have missed blogging immensely. I have been so busy juggling my life that even getting near a computer to do anything except schoolwork has been difficult at best. I have missed blogland and all the wonderful people I have met on my journey as a caregiver of Dad's dementia decline. Dad had been doing well. Note the word "had". We have been spending a

Things happen in threes...

2010-10-21T18:25:00.013-04:00

Wow - someone stop the roller coaster and let me off! Life has been wildly busy and I honestly haven't had a moment to breath both literally and figuratively!First of all, my honey and I had a wonderful four day trip to Traverse City, Michigan. We stayed at the Grand Beach Hotel which was really lovely and it is a fun city to visit. Unfortunately, I ended up with a cold virus that laid me up

Thanksgiving Dinner

2010-10-11T07:00:00.009-04:00

xxxxxxxxMy sweetie and I had a lovely Thanksgiving meal with Mom and Dad yesterday. I had told Dad two days before that we were picking him up on Sunday for dinner, but I knew he wouldn't remember. I was prepared to get him ready when I arrived at the home before going to pick up Mom. SURPRISE! No Dad anywhere and after I had looked in every nook and cranny, I was told he had been taken out

Happy Thanksgiving Near and Far

2010-10-10T10:32:00.004-04:00

In Canada, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a day we celebrate the bounty of the harvest and give thanks for our family, friends, and our lives. Even though I went through a rough month, I have to say that I still had gratitude for all the wonderful and amazing parts of my life which include dementia.Today I am celebrating the bounty of autumn by taking Mom and Dad out to a Thanksgiving Dinner. Other

Denial Break

2010-10-08T20:45:00.006-04:00

Yes, Lucy, it has been a month since I posted. I thought about it. Then I would tell myself "no, just a little longer". I actually never checked this blog site until earlier this week. Why? What happened to me? I went through a rough time where I wanted to run away and pretend that my whole life hadn't changed. Pretty dumb reasoning because my life has changed so much that there is no

What a Fun Summer!

2010-09-07T06:34:00.003-04:00

Well back to work today after the labour day weekend. I made a "smilebox" on the weekend for my family to remember our time together this summer. My sweet daughter, "M" had to finish up her Cabinet and Furniture Technician program so she is absent from the pics. I am going to see her this month though and I will definitely be snapping my camera.I love SmileBox and I have been using it for

Fall in the North

2010-09-06T07:46:00.011-04:00

Fall always seems like a time of new beginnings with the end of summer and the start of a new school year. Not only is the weather changing here in the North but I have been busy gearing up for a new school year for me by organizing my art room and home office. I am also trying to get back into the frame of mind of getting up at five o'clock in the morning to do my schoolwork before I head off to

Every day is a new lesson learned in the world of dementia

2010-08-26T07:33:00.007-04:00

When I went to pick up Dad the other night, he looked rather frail and was pretty stooped over in his wheelchair. He also had two shirts on and he didn't realize it. He has someone to help him get dressed everyday but he couldn't remember why he had two shirts on. So anyway, he was excited to go with me for supper and off we went, two shirts and all.Dad's nursing home is on' restaurant row'

Catching Up....

2010-08-24T07:51:00.006-04:00

Life has been very busy lately so blog time has been minimal. So since my last post the following:1. My sweet girl, "E" went off to do her post graduate program in public relations. She is moving into a new place in Toronto and her and my honey left early yesterday. It was hard to see her go as more than likely, she won't be coming home for another summer. Next year she hopes to be working

A visit with a mean old man...

2010-08-14T07:12:00.005-04:00

Yesterday my sweet girl, "E" and I planned a nice outing with Dad as she was off work for the day because she was recovering from having her wisdom teeth pulled. She will be leaving in about ten days to start a post grad program in Toronto. We thought it would be nice to take Dad out for lunch and then spend time with him playing cards or going through some photos I had left in the nursing home

Boundary Setting

2010-08-13T06:24:00.006-04:00

I have had great difficulty getting through the past six weeks without extreme exhaustion taking over my body. I figured that the drastic changes in the past year of my life have been a huge contributor, but it was getting to the point that I would spend one day each weekend laying on my chaise lawn chair underneath the gazebo to sleep because I was so tired. The rest of the weekend, I also

This is hard...

2010-08-07T17:10:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking of my last post. Would I want the world (as in blog land) to know that I had no bowel control? I have had to think long and hard about this one. So the answer is complicated. Here goes...Well, yes and no. If it was done in a way to mock me obviously not. If it was part of a connection to others (in its own shitty way) I wouldn't mind it it was helpful. For entertainment

A trip out followed by an explosion...

2010-08-07T07:00:00.005-04:00

It is really difficult to get Dad to leave the nursing home, even though he longs for a change of scenery. Part of it is that comfort zone that is now limited to the nursing home and the other part is his loss of bowel and urine control. This disease has decided to take those away from him while he still has his dignity. Dad happened to be in the activity room when I got there yesterday and "L

I Mourn

2010-08-06T09:05:00.004-04:00

I woke up this morning and in that moment between reality and my dream world, I had my pre-dementia Dad back. I was in a place where my parents still lived in their home of 24 years. Then as the fog lifted , it hit me that Dad was in a nursing home and Mom in an apartment on her own. It stung. It was piercing. I was shocked. You would think that thirteen months after diagnosis that I would

Paranoia

2010-08-05T07:09:00.004-04:00

So far, the paranoia that comes with Alzheimer's/Dementia has not been exhibited or directed toward me although Dad does constantly think Mom has a boyfriend. So along with Mom's "supposed" boyfriend, Dad is also paranoid about other residents and staff. If you are caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's/Dementia, you know exactly what I am talking about. Sometimes I even talk with other families

So Many Mixed Feelings...

2010-08-02T07:22:00.021-04:00

I find that my feelings are all over the place and are more intense because I am fifty years old and going through the hormonal swings of perimenopause. Sometimes it's painful to even be in my body! My highs are over the top as is my sadness. My hormones are now acting like they did when I was a teenager.So anyway, I have had a delightfully wonderful long weekend with two of my daughters, "E"

The Pond

2010-07-29T07:15:00.004-04:00

Mom and Dad always had beautiful gardens at their house and they both loved working in them. When we moved Mom into an apartment last year, she hastily threw all her gardening statues into a box and left them in my garden shed. In the spring, I opened up the box and took out a few of them, cleaned them up and brought them to Dad's nursing home for the pond and fountain they have at the front of

Divorce???

2010-07-27T07:01:00.005-04:00

Dad was pretty grim the other day when I visited him. He was complaining about all the residents and he would get angry when I spoke to them. He told me that "90% of the people in the home were nuts" and that I was wasting my time talking to them. He would berate me after I talked to one of them. It wasn't that he was jealous, but he seemed very annoyed with them and complained that all they

Clearing my head...

2010-07-25T10:00:00.013-04:00

Yesterday I needed to clear my head. I had a lot going on up there. I was feeling overwhelmed again by everything. I was feeling like there is not enough time in my life for all the people I love so much and guilt overwhelmed me. So I took the pup for her walk - we try and go most nights but really due to the demands in my life, we make it about three times a week. My pup can help me relax